Let me tell you- my new job has its ups and downs. Granted, I dont have to answer phones as much, or deal with irrate people (which there are an over-abundance of), but I also have almost zero access to the lifeblood internet. Like a junkie in the pillbox, I went through serious withdrawl for a long time. Truth be told, I'm still going through it. I most definitely feel like I've just woken from a coma. Perhaps not as severe as the coma Val is in, but pretty damn close.
If you havent noticed already, I am now almost completely devoid of whatever eloquence I may have once had. The creative side of my brain feels like Frankenstein's monster slowly staggering to its feet. I desperately wish to pet the kitty, but find my reanimated fingers are only adept at crushing poor kitty's wittle skull. Dayna is sending messages to people, John has a new website, Brian is at concerts I'm working... I feel very out of the loop. Bear with me as I shake the fog from my brain.
I promise that in the 15 or so minutes each day that I dont find myself fixing something in a suit and tie, explaining to Janie Coed why she cant park on the sidewalk, explaining to Joe Officer why he cant "get his freak on" with Janie Coed, or perhaps suggesting to Larry Busdriver why the Chief didnt find his hitting on her amusing, I will keep you all updated.
From an envelope sent to my office this morning:
American University
Parking and Traffic Pubic Safety Bldg
Office of Extortion and Other Thieving Activity
4400 Mass. Ave, NW
Wash DC, 20016-8051
I dont know whats more funny- the fact that I now work for the OEOTA, the fact that I apparently work in the Pubic Safety Bldg, or that this obviously angry person included payment for their fine in the envelope. Did I get my money? Yes. Does it matter that they're pissed off? Ummm, lemme think about that one....
What a fucking momo.
Yours in Nefarious Illegal Activity,
Nick Calkins
Lead Goon and Momo Wrangler, OEOTA
Fucking new student orientation. Damn high school students on my campus. When's gon' be my time, Lord?
OK, better now. :)
I'll refrain from a lengthy rant about my work situation as of late. In short- it's sucked serious ass. However, my plan to act as the department bitch in order to shake the "I think I might get fired" blues has worked. My ability to pay rent seems secure for a while yet. My bosses have realized that I was only partially responsible for the mix ups two weeks ago, and have started to spread the blame like a thick suck-flavored jam over the entire department.
My holiday weekend was good. On Thursday morning, I drove down to Virginia Beach in a car full of momos. I dont know how familiar everyone is with different driver personas, but I can tell you that a Michigan driver behind the wheel and a New York driver in the backseat is a recipe for disaster. When you add holiday traffic and subtract air conditioning, the danger levels increase dramatically. I now see why the Michigan driver's wife finds some way to sleep through every road trip. Its unfortunate, but I foresee her sleeping a lot in that relationship. And if for some reason he reads this- take a pill and relax, I'm only teasing you.
We tried to get down to the beach to watch the fireworks, but the tourists had turned the beachfront area from the shore line two miles inland into a solid parking lot full of backwoods yokels and midwest auto families. In the end, we drove to another fireworks show. But no harm done- I got to see a couple boomers. I was happy. The rest of the weekend went off without a hitch. Played at the beach on saturday, had a little clam bake, helped my buddy get us in trouble with his wife for giving his little sisters beer... it was pretty par for the course.
Now its time to open the office. More later.